to download, right click and “save as…” 68.8 MB
to download, right click and “save as…” 68.8 MB
I’m quite the fan of cars. I love reading about cars in Motor Trend, or on The Smoking Tire and Jalopnik. I grew up in a home that enjoyed going to car shows and watching The A-Team and the Dukes of Hazzard, so I gained a healthy appreciation of muscle cars. This love of cars also extended to my brother, Joe, and he decided to share his automotive love with his list of best and worst cars to drive.
Top 5 Best and Worst Cars (By Joseph Newby)
I am a valet at an exclusive restaurant that caters almost exclusively to politicians and businessmen. We sell steak, Scotch, and cigars. We are located adjacent to a strip club and an airport. Because of this, I have a very different take on cars. I get to drive everything. So, these are the five best worst cars I have ever driven.
1. Ferrari 458. The Ferrari 458 is a beautiful car; it looks like something that Sweeney Todd would use to dispatch his enemies, especially when the paintjob is red. The sound that comes from the exhaust is one of the most exhilarating noises I have ever heard in my life, and when someone pulls up in one you know that they are an American success story. On the other side, they are hard to drive anywhere, impossible to drive in a parking lot, and their nose is so low you literally have to drive around speed bumps. If you make any mistake and accidentally ding it, the company’s insurance will take a serious hit. Most obnoxious though, are the seats. The seats were not made for human sized people. These seats were made for Keebler elves, teen models, or Somali pirates, and even they are snug in them. The Ferrari 458 looks amazing as a poster on the wall, but it is terrible in real life. 2. Every single large SUV ever. For some reason, everyone in the south who has any amount of money, and at least one child, or a dog, buys a large SUV. Because they need the room. For one child. Or a dog. Southerners love them, and it doesn’t matter whether the SUV is a Tahoe, Sequoia, Excursion, Land Cruiser, Suburban, Explorer, Yukon, or Escalade. Southerners love SUV’s. They are all awful to park, boring to drive, and shoddily made.
3. 1999 Ford Escort Zx2. These cars are bad no matter what. Poorly constructed, inefficient, and unattractive. I drive plenty of bad cars, but what made this car especially bad was that the owners were listening to the “Fifty Shades of Grey” audiobook. When I got in the car, the narrator was waxing poetic about her love of riding crops. One of the rules of valeting is that we do everything we can to not adjust the customer’s car in any way shape or form. The only thing we can do is move the seat if we are too tall, and even that is looked down upon. So when I brought back the car to the owners, we shared an awkward moment as they realized that they had left this audiobook playing. I got an excellent tip.
4. 2010 Honda Insight. Full disclosure, I used to own a Honda Insight, and I loved it. Then we traded it in on an SUV, and I was so annoyed that our gas mileage went from fifty miles per gallon to eighteen. My grumpiness over this change never really went away either until I had the chance to drive someone else’s Insight. Compared to the Prius, they look better, are more comfortable, and are set up more like a traditional car. Unlike the Prius, the Insight is unsure of what it is. It wants to go to football games, but it also wants to join the science club. Because of that, the car can never seem to make up its mind. When you sit in the Insight and press the gas, you can tell the car is thinking “should I use my gas engine, or the electric one, what to do, what to do, what to do.” The Insight proceeds to do nothing for a minute until finally it makes a decision and you, shuddering, move forward.
5. Any car driven by someone with extreme wealth. Billionaires tend to drive crappy cars. It’s true. They may have an enormous amount of money to spend on cars, but they choose not to. You may ask “why?” I certainly did. Either the billionaires don’t need to buy the expensive car, or the expensive car that they do own is so pricey that it can’t be driven in normal traffic. Therefore, the billionaires resort to the first option and drive a crap car. What tends to happen is that they will labor for a long time to make their ideas become a reality. Then one day, the billionaires will go out and purchase their dream car to celebrate success, only to realize that all cars serve the same function—ask Bam Margera about his Ferrari. So, they keep that same car for years. I met a software company owner who drove, and loved driving, his 1998 Jaguar XK8. I know a retired apparel CEO who drove a 2002 Lexus SC430. I also know gentleman who owned (among his many ventures) a series of car dealerships. The love of his life was a 1998 Tahoe 2 door.
Those cars are the worst that I have ever driven, but let’s focus on the positive experiences, starting with:
1. Audi S6 V10. The Audi S6 V10 is one of the most amazing cars I have ever driven. The car does not mess around with anything like a turbo to slow it down. It just has raw, naturally aspirated horsepower on tap at all times. Turbochargers are notorious for having turbo lag while they build up enough pressure to spin in order to propel the car forward. The v10 has none of this. You literally just tap the gas, and you are gone. However, there are many reasons to love this car besides the horsepower. The seats fit real-sized humans, the car feels luxurious, and it is extraordinarily easy to drive. This is the perfect combination for a valet.
2. The Toyota Camry. ANY Toyota Camry. Let me make it clear that the Camry is not a cool car, and I would never purchase one. As a valet, the Camry does have a lot of things that I look forward to. These cars are always superbly maintained, they are extremely easy to drive, and they are small enough to park. The Camry is the least stressful car ever. I know that the people who own these cars are intelligent realists; they just want a car to get around. These owners realistically know that if they maintain a car it will last longer, that things depreciate over time, and if they tip the valet well he will remember them and always make them a priority. There is no real Camry enthusiast group that I know of, but if I have spent all evening parking exotics, SUVs, and luxury cars, there is nothing in the world that I want to see more than a Camry. Parking a Camry is like taking a break halfway through a hard shift.
3. The Lexus F series. I never thought I would like a Lexus until someone rolled up with an F-Sport. Heavens to Betsy, I was in love. I completely forget about all the BMWs I had loved up until that point. It is comfortable, sexy, and it even makes a Lexus look exotic. Whoever designed the F-Sport was a genius. They made a Lexus look amazing, something that I thought was impossible since every SC series car was heinously ugly.
4. The Hyundai Genesis. Any given night, I will drive several Mustangs, Camaros, Challengers, and Chargers. None of them blow my mind. These muscle cars promise so much, but deliver nothing. They are the appetizer sampler platters of the car world. You are promised wings, onion rings, fried pickles, mac and cheese bites, and so much more. Then it comes to you half cold, and there are only two of each item. For the same price, you could go to the freezer section at Wal-Mart and get ten times the quantity (as well as quality) for the same price. These reissue “sports” cars have no view out the rear window, are stiff, noisy, and uncomfortable. The Genesis is the opposite of that. It is unassuming and the name tag promises very little. Yet, the Genesis is extremely comfortable, fun to drive, and good looking. It is everything that the other cars wish they were. Let me put it this way: rather than breading a piece of string cheese and calling it a “mozzarella stick”, they have taken lettuce, basil, bean thread, rice paper, and given you a Thai salad roll. Nothing that is awesome, but when all the ingredients are combined the effect is infinitely superior to anything that comes from the fryer. That is the Genesis.
5. The Tesla S. The best car I have ever driven is the Tesla S. This car is so good that Saleen is modifying it. I have driven every manufacturer’s cars and nothing is like a Tesla. The Audi V10 was a wonderful car to drive until I drove a Tesla. Many cars try to advance themselves, but they do not want to get too far out from the pack because the manufacturers are afraid people will not understand what they are doing and that particular model will not sell. Not Elon and his Tesla. Everything about this car is genre defining. The remote? Awesome. The door handles? Genius. The display is unlike anything I have seen, It is astonishing how quickly you can get the horsepower on tap. There is literally no wait time. You just press the pedal and you are gone. The car is such a leap forward that it will likely stay the best driving car for a very long time.
Once again, we cover the wonderful topic of action films. However, we are joined this week by Richard, who brings a much different viewpoint than Mark and Daniel. Plus, Richard actually did research. Join us for some action films and video games as we prepare for Christmas and the New Year.
to download, right click and “save as”… 75.9 MB
This week, we had a packed house with the sole intention of discussing action films. We covered important factors like best actors in action films, best kills, and why Dora the Explorer is racist. Of course, we couldn’t fit all of the best action films in one episode, so we had to break it up. Enjoy part one.
to download, right click and “save as…” 57.7 MB
This week, Isaac, David, and John were joined by another Newb, Elisabeth. We sat down and discussed a whole mess of topics. I’m not going to lie to you, this episode is a little haphazard. It’s still enjoyable though.
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This week, David was out so we incorporated Andrew as our third host. We spent the episode catching up about the latest video games before delving deep into some “classic” tv shows and movies.
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This week, Isaac is out, so Richard joins us to discuss racing games, Gotham, The OC, and the difference between Call of Duty and Titanfall. Turns out, there are a lot of differences between those games.
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This week, we kick back and discuss some important topics like Cadillac’s new headquarters, Gotham vs. Arrow, and Bill Burr. It was quite a lot of fun.
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This week, we sat down and had quite possibly the most important discussion in all of history. That’s right, we discussed our favorite Top Gear episodes. Yes, John is a fan of Top Gear US, so we also discussed that show as well. If you don’t like Top Gear US, then too bad. We also discussed the Jaguar F-Type and a couple other cars as well.
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This week, we were joined by a special guest host to discuss all kinds of stand up comedy and fancy cars. Somehow, we also discussed some random other topics.
By the way, this episode may not be entirely family friendly. Be warned.
to download, right click and “save as…” 35.5 MB
This week, we discuss some great video games, the Dodge Challenger Hellcat, and other fancy cars.
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This week, we found time to discuss some very important topics. Actually, we spent a lot of time discussing Nicholas Cage’s career and very expensive cars. It was pretty fantastic.
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This week, the hosts pondered the important questions of life, such as “what cars would you buy with ridiculous amounts of money?” We started with $20K, $100K, $1 Million, and $5 Million. Obviously, our choices greatly differ, but what would your choices be? Let us know on Facebook, Twitter, Etc.
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This week is slightly different for 2 Newbs and a Berger. First, David is off on vacation. Second, we have a younger guest host to help explain what kid-friendly video games are the best. Actually, this whole episode was inspired by a listener question. So, if you have a topic that you would like discussed, let us know.
Kid-Friendly Video Games (Basically, anything rated T and under).
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This week, we veered off into an area that we have never covered before-religion and morality. The podcast studio was filled with current hosts John and David, former host Joseph, and occasional guests Ed and Mark. If you are interested in morality in music, you will want to hear this episode. However, I should warn you that we do discuss Austin Powers and Matthew McConaughey in a side discussion.
to download, right click and “save as…”23.7 MB